don't judge part one

intro

I've never finished anything in my life. hopefully I can finish this. especially cause I have a feeling someone is after me, so if I don't finish it might be because I was murdered or because my adhd. It all started seven years ago. the night we met i was in a dark place. literally and mentally. i got kicked out of my house and started wandering over to the college campus hoping to find someone familiar. With nothing with me, i have no phone no backpack no clothes, nothing. i got over to the ghetto, like really bad area, literally no stores or anything around cause they were all broken into, homeless laying around doing drugs and nobody's looks twice at, doors wide open cause its a homeless camp or gang bangers house and if your dumb enough to go inside your going to die. its pitch black and i remember a room i used to stay in so i went over to it to see if any of my stuff was left there, of course nothing is there because everyone steals even if it has no money value. but i did find a family of rats where i used to sleep so I'm glad i got away from there. Although i'm starting to feel sad that i might have just ended up right back here; i guess i'll never truly get out. I start making my way towards the college again just hoping to get out alive. when someone with a knife starts mumbling to me. i don't know what they want as i don't have anything. I put up my hands but the guy starts swinging the knife around mumbling some more. I don't know what to do i just hold up my hands and tell him i don't have anything. you have this 6 foot tall Hispanic guy with a snake tattoo around his neck mumbling at me, and me being a 5 foot short African American i feel pretty intimidated by him. i try to walk around him but he keeps swaying everywhere and i don't want to get stabbed. all i can think is this is where i dye, why did i come this way. i hear something, turned to look when i suddenly felt a jolt of pain on my hand. he sliced me when i looked away. someone called out "hey what are you doing" i started to run but tripped i cant see where i'm going, and the other guy runs off. the one that yelled is picking me up asking "are you ok" i try to nod yeah and get away cause you can't trust anyone in this neighborhood. he says "i only want to help you. i have medical training and search this area on my nights off to try to help anyone i can." I still don't have a good feeling but he's 6'2" and irish looking with short red hair, decently attractive with strong jaw lines but those are always the bad boys on shows. so i just say "im ok" i try to look around to see where i can go. he ask if i need a ride. "no I'm ok I'm not going to much farther" cause duh my parents told me never get in a car with a stranger. he ask "why are you in this neighborhood do you have somewhere to go?" i start to cry a little cause I really don't have anywhere for sure to go but I'm not sure i want to tell him that. "I used to live over here and it was on my way to my friends that's all." he insist on walking with me then if i won't let him give me a ride and he wanted to bandage my hand up. we get out of the bad spot to where there are some street lights and he bandages my hand up. I'm trying to think of a way to leave without him following me some more. the best I could come up with is "thanks for your help but I'm only like three blocks that way and my friend will probably freak if I show up with someone." he says "ok i'll walk two blocks with you and then i'll wait 30 min if you come back then I can give you a ride somewhere else or let you stay at my place if you need a bed to sleep in, I have spare rooms that you can sleep, I'm not trying to be a creep i just want you to stay safe. if you don't come back in 30 min I will go on and continue finding people to help." "are you crazy do you get people over to your house a lot why would I go there. you can wait here if you insist but I don't need your help." I start running cause I don't want him to follow me anymore. I get to the campus and start looking around for someone. I get into the dorms looking for anyone familiar. i could have sworn jake still attended and is usually up with his friends, but i cant seem to find him or anyone else i used to know. i should be at the college myself being 21 but that was never in the cards for me. after wandering around for 20 min I'm at a loss. I sit down not knowing what to do. I don't have many options. either find somewhere outside to sleep or try to knock on everyone's door asking if someone will let me stay, or go back to the random guy probably still waiting for me. I figure my life is such shit I don't have a dollar to my name or a spare outfit i have lost everything I might as well go for a warm bed and if I get murdered oh well right can't get any worse. if its my time then so be it. i can't stay in the cold much longer, its october so the air is very chilly. so I make my decision and start walking back hoping he's still there.

first night

i sign a breath of relief when i see him sitting there waiting for me. half expecting him to smile or smirk at me or something but he didn't he just waited for me to say something. if it doesn't bring him joy then why is he doing this. why did he sit and wait for me. what is his motives, i can't quite figure him out. he seems polite enough to wait for me to be ready to trust him but not happy to see me. i bet he feels bad for me and just taking pity on me. "well what's your name" i ask. he says "my name is Connor whats yours, pardon me for not asking sooner" "my name is Alieshia but you can call me Ash." "well Ash where can i take you?"he ask quite nervously. "my friend wasnt home so i guess i'll take you up on that offer to crash in your spare room if that's still ok." he sways his arm to lead me the way to his car. no emotion. parked in the parking lot two blocks over, the only car there is a silver mustang, newer model. we walk in silence as i start to get colder and shivering. it's about two am at this point and i don't know where the time went. we get to his car and he turns the heat on and offers me a bottle of ibuprofen, but i don't trust any pills, he could be trying to drug me now that i'm trapped in his car. i just shake my head no. we both put on our seatbelts as he takes off. He doesn't drive to fast but we ride in silence. we start getting to what i call the rich peoples neighborhood with what look like mansions but i'm sure are three to four bedroom houses that just look all fancy. is this where he lives? why would he be helping the less fortunate if he has money like this. most people won't go near us at all because they never have to, they might pour money at us cause they feel bad but that's about it. most don't think twice and won't help anyone at all ever. we pull into a house with a double door garage. but he parks the car in the driveway. we get inside and the house is huge, vaulted ceilings wide open living room with a giant flat screen mounted to the wall. the walls are blue, there's a big chandelier in every room i'm just stunned looking around. i've never seen a more beautiful house. he ask if i'd like a tour of the house, but honestly i'm just to tired. i shake my head no and just ask where i can sleep at. he says "are you hungry at all i can make you something real quick." i shake my head no just staring at him waiting to be told where to go. i follow him down the hall and he shows me the first room with a bed, says "you can lock the door from the inside so i can't get in if that makes you feel better, and there's no lock on the outside so your free to leave any time you would like but there's no rush." i nod ok and go inside. he points two doors over and says "the bathroom is right there if you need it, i have my own in my room so you don't need to worry about me going in there, if you ever feel up to it you can shower and get cleaned up, there are clean towels in there." i don't have any spare clothes so i know i wont be showering, i still have to figure out where i'll be sleeping tomorrow but i'm too tired for that right now, i just close the door and lock it. the room is pretty basic with a queen size bed and a black comforter and two pillows with blue pillow cases on them, there's a small tv with a dvd player and some dvds under it. i don't care to bother with that right now i just turn off the light and get into the bed. i worry about something bad happening or getting kicked out in the morning or why he is letting me stay here but with all the worry i start to drift off to sleep.

next day

When i woke up it was probably around noon and i had gotten the best sleep of my life. i take a look at the dvds and there mostly children movies, i wonder if he has a child. i leave the room and Connor is in the kitchen. he says "i hope you slept well, do you want something to eat?" "yes please" "would you like breakfast or lunch?" "i'd love anything i'm not to picky." "seeing as you just woke up i can make you a big breakfast, pancakes, bacon , eggs?" he must have seen how much my face lit up because I love breakfast. he starts cooking and i start looking around. in the living room there's a big bookshelf full of books and dvds and a couple of pictures. these dvds are mostly action with some kid movies and comedies' mixed in, not organized in any way that i can tell. i notice one of the pictures caught my eye; which is him in a police uniform shaking someones hand. I'm shocked. I turn to ask "are you a cop" he rubs his head and chuckles a little replying "yeah I am." I ask "why didn't you just say that i probably would have trusted you more a lot sooner." he gets all sad looking and says "if the people around there knew i was a cop they would kill me. and most people don't trust police anymore so i felt if you knew you would trust me even less." i get it most people have had bad experience with cops or know someone with a bad experience and i get stereotyped and judged for being black im sure they get the same biased judgment being a cop. but i don't judge people before i know them i try to be better than that. so i ask "shouldn't you be at work then?" he tells me "it's my weekend and i try to help out as much as i can. usually i never bring anyone home but you looked like you just got hurt and didn't belong." breakfast is ready and he sets plates the food out buffet style on the dining room table. i ask "so why am i so special if you never bring anyone back, why me?" i start building a big plate with three pancakes and a scoop of eggs and grabbed four pieces of bacon, sprinkled salt and pepper over everything and add butter and syrup to my pancakes, when i finally look up at him he replies. "well you don't look to dirty so you haven't been on the streets long, you don't have anything so you couldn't have hurt me or anyone else, i didn't want anyone taking advantage of you. and if i'm being completely honest i think your very beautiful and just had a gut instinct about you." i start to blush but hold his eye contact. i never dated much and if i did i never went with the tall white boy. not that i'm thinking about dating Connor like id ever get the chance, but hearing him compliment me definitely shocked me. i hope he dont think i owe him anything. i finally break eye contact and start eating, he does the same. after he finishes he says "listen Ash, if you need you can stay here until you figure out something else, i can give you rides to anywhere you need to go." he starts to clean up and start doing the dishes as he keeps talking. "i don't want you to feel pressured or anything i just don't want you out on the streets. no strings attached, i'll be working late the next couple of nights but your welcome to stay here. i noticed you don't have anything, can i take you to where your stuff is or help you go get new stuff?"

backstory

i don't know what to tell him. i'd love to stay cause i need to get my stuff figured out, but i don't have anything anymore, my last home destroyed all my stuff. i thought i found a decent roommate, found off craigslist of course; it was 600 a month for one room in a two bedroom apartment. the first three months were fine but then i found out they were getting stringed out on heroin and meth. next thing i know is i have some stuff go missing and when asked about it they said they sold it for rent money, when i said wtf i already paid rent they said yea they sold it to pay there half. im like wtf sell your own stuff not mine, next day everything was gone my stuff and there's and turns out they didn't even own the place they fucking were renting it out without there cousins permission when they were out of town so all my stuff was gone and i was left with no home. they had taken my wallet and phone and when the cousins threatened to put this all on me saying i broke into there house and stole everything from them! so i got out of there and went to work only to find out i was just fired for to many complaints. i never even did anything wrong people would just judge me based off my race and then complain to my manager. so what am i supposed to do now. how am i even supposed to get a new job i don't even have an id.